Toncussak Hastanban Fabsugsom is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, fussy tapir.

Toncussak Hastanban Fabsugsom created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Toncussak Hastanban Fabsugsom, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Toncussak Hastanban Fabsugsom, it will turn you into a worm.

Toncussak Hastanban Fabsugsom's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Toncussak Hastanban Fabsugsom's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt hamsters.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Erect seven iron sculptures of Toncussak Hastanban Fabsugsom on top of important buildings.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.