Bamsis Dogtinran is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, blissful lobster.

Bamsis Dogtinran created humanity two years ago.

If you believe in Bamsis Dogtinran, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bamsis Dogtinran, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Bamsis Dogtinran's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bamsis Dogtinran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate manatees.