Tam is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, all-powerful bird.

Tam created an atom nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tam, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tam, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tam's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Tam's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention great tits.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Do not take Tam's name in vain.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never paint your back mauve.