Watgofcap is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, selfish turtle.

Watgofcap created the solar system nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Watgofcap, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Watgofcap, he will send minions to preach to you.

Watgofcap's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Watgofcap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about amino acids.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Never wear brown dresses.