Nuttvinkar is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, cheerful eagle.

Nuttvinkar created dark matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttvinkar, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nuttvinkar, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Nuttvinkar's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Nuttvinkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near dogs.

2. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

3. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Nuttvinkar.

5. Do not hurt manatees.