Lapgumzen is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, happy wasp.

Lapgumzen created the universe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lapgumzen, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lapgumzen, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lapgumzen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Lapgumzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Run away from brown foxes, for they are unholy.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.