Begtimdap is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, grumpy spider.

Begtimdap created gold three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begtimdap, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Begtimdap, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Begtimdap's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Begtimdap's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Hide if nine sheep approach from the west.

3. Always make sure there are no turtles in a building before entering it.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Begtimdap on top of all buildings.

5. Never write about gravity.