Yarptarpnur is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, bad-tempered lizard.

Yarptarpnur created Mount Everest six billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarptarpnur, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Yarptarpnur, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Yarptarpnur's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Yarptarpnur's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight voles approach from the south.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Never hurt dogs.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not speak about lemons.