Bettentag Canstanpon is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, slow fly.

Bettentag Canstanpon created an atom seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bettentag Canstanpon, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bettentag Canstanpon, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bettentag Canstanpon's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bettentag Canstanpon's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from cyan manatees for they are unholy.

2. Worship no other gods but Bettentag Canstanpon.

3. Run away from gray cats, for they are unholy.

4. Never wear tights.

5. Do not cook food in pots.