Kadrathitcut is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, blissful tortoise.

Kadrathitcut created humankind nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kadrathitcut, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kadrathitcut, she will be mildly annoyed.

Kadrathitcut's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Kadrathitcut's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Always stare at clouds.