Quaftigcep is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, idiotic rhinoceros.

Quaftigcep created a top quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quaftigcep, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Quaftigcep, it will destroy your home planet.

Quaftigcep's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Quaftigcep's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not jump in public.