Pidwandam Sakwadgar is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, kind squid.

Pidwandam Sakwadgar created humanity nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pidwandam Sakwadgar, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Pidwandam Sakwadgar, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Pidwandam Sakwadgar's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Pidwandam Sakwadgar's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from cyan snakes for they are unholy.

2. Never feed aubergines to tortoises while wearing white hats.

3. Do not wear zinc on your body.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not hurt tapirs.