Kikfetbaf is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, amazing seal.

Kikfetbaf created the world six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kikfetbaf, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kikfetbaf, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kikfetbaf's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Kikfetbaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never feed onions to mice while wearing mauve tights.

3. Do not wear green clothing.

4. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.