Barnponjinnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, quiet finch.

Barnponjinnutt created Europe four years ago.

If you believe in Barnponjinnutt, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Barnponjinnutt, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Barnponjinnutt's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Barnponjinnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to seals while wearing indigo tights.

2. Never wear shirts.

3. Run away if six whales approach from the south.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not commit murder.