Guphuncem is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, omnipotent squid.

Guphuncem created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Guphuncem, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Guphuncem, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Guphuncem's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Guphuncem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Guphuncem's name in vain.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Retreat if six capybaras approach from the east.