Larnstercud is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, ill-tempered seal.

Larnstercud created an electron five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnstercud, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Larnstercud, she will turn you into a mouse.

Larnstercud's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Larnstercud's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from brown sharks, for they are unholy.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never feed onions to whales while wearing red kilts.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Never write about amino acids.