Fumcidtimlargbam is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, self-confident jellyfish.

Fumcidtimlargbam created life seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fumcidtimlargbam, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fumcidtimlargbam, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fumcidtimlargbam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Fumcidtimlargbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not wear silver on your body.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never write about moons.