Ontfitran is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, deceitful faun.

Ontfitran created life seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontfitran, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Ontfitran, it will make you grow a tail.

Ontfitran's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Ontfitran's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at moons.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.