Gepgetzut is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish guinea pig.

Gepgetzut created the planet Mars nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gepgetzut, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gepgetzut, it will turn you into a rat.

Gepgetzut's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Gepgetzut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Hide if eight manatees approach from the east.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Gepgetzut loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gepgetzut.