Nakganhon Flatniggan is a god.

She takes the form of a small, merciless hippopotamus.

Nakganhon Flatniggan created the universe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakganhon Flatniggan, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nakganhon Flatniggan, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Nakganhon Flatniggan's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Nakganhon Flatniggan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

5. Always stare at clouds.