Kembellort is a god.

He takes the form of a small, irritating whale.

Kembellort created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kembellort, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kembellort, he will try to impress you with trees.

Kembellort's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Kembellort's Holy Commandments

1. Put Kembellort first in all things.

2. Never sit in the presence of voles.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always make sure there are no aardvarks in a building before entering it.

5. Never eat peanuts.