Ortgupquill is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, dishonest mouse.

Ortgupquill created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortgupquill, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ortgupquill, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ortgupquill's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ortgupquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Ortgupquill.

5. Never wear orange rings.