Yartinmif Yogkarnut is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, selfish fairy.

Yartinmif Yogkarnut created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartinmif Yogkarnut, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Yartinmif Yogkarnut, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Yartinmif Yogkarnut's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Yartinmif Yogkarnut's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat pineapples.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not eat spinach.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your legs.