Larnvanfub Zenladwan is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, resourceful tortoise.

Larnvanfub Zenladwan created Mount Everest three million years ago.

If you believe in Larnvanfub Zenladwan, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Larnvanfub Zenladwan, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Larnvanfub Zenladwan's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Larnvanfub Zenladwan's Holy Commandments

1. Always help cats.

2. Never hurt rats.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

4. Larnvanfub Zenladwan loves horses, so they must be respected.

5. Never eat apples.