Funfastomsom is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, generous cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Funfastomsom created snails four billion years ago.

If you believe in Funfastomsom, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Funfastomsom, he will refuse to believe in you.

Funfastomsom's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Funfastomsom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Worship no other gods but Funfastomsom.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

5. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.