Teenponvin is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, awesome capybara.

Teenponvin created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Teenponvin, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenponvin, she will destroy your home solar system.

Teenponvin's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Teenponvin's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear magenta ear rings.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Run away if seven ants approach from the west.