Wikgessdutzan is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, deceitful centipede.

Wikgessdutzan created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wikgessdutzan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Wikgessdutzan, he will not care.

Wikgessdutzan's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Wikgessdutzan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about hamsters.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never feed spinach to snails while wearing fawn boots.

4. Always help tapirs.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.