Tifcabpark is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, fast squirrel.

Tifcabpark created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tifcabpark, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Tifcabpark, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tifcabpark's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Tifcabpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Put Tifcabpark first in all things.

3. Tifcabpark loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not stand on grass.