Barnpitnan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, awe-inspiring swallow.

Barnpitnan created a down quark two years ago.

If you believe in Barnpitnan, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Barnpitnan, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Barnpitnan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Barnpitnan's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat grapes.

2. Do not take Barnpitnan's name in vain.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never talk about great tits.

5. Always obey Barnpitnan's priests.