Nurlwatmut is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, humorless scorpion.

Nurlwatmut created a charm quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlwatmut, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Nurlwatmut, it will turn you into a rat.

Nurlwatmut's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Nurlwatmut's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never laugh in the presence of great tits.

3. Always help sick dolphins.

4. Erect a large copper sculpture of Nurlwatmut on top of all buildings.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.