Tettikemcib is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, emotional guinea pig.

Tettikemcib created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tettikemcib, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Tettikemcib, she will turn you into a mole.

Tettikemcib's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Tettikemcib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tettikemcib's name in vain.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. You must love Tettikemcib.

5. Never paint your neck blue.