Somhapvil is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, duplicitous dolphin.

Somhapvil created a charm quark five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somhapvil, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Somhapvil, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Somhapvil's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Somhapvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Somhapvil loves rats, so they must be respected.

3. Never feed beans to sharks while wearing black shorts.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Somhapvil on top of all buildings.

5. Always help dogs.