Funfabvan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, emotional walrus.

Funfabvan created a Higgs boson eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Funfabvan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Funfabvan, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Funfabvan's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Funfabvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Funfabvan.

5. Funfabvan must be the most important thing in your life.