Tofjanhud Vigpidben Jatbityattpas is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, resourceful camel.

Tofjanhud Vigpidben Jatbityattpas created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tofjanhud Vigpidben Jatbityattpas, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tofjanhud Vigpidben Jatbityattpas, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tofjanhud Vigpidben Jatbityattpas' most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tofjanhud Vigpidben Jatbityattpas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never jump near pigs.

3. Always help otters.

4. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

5. Hide if eight mice approach from the west.