Honbeptif is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, omniscient beaver.

Honbeptif created the Sun nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Honbeptif, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Honbeptif, he will make you grow a tail.

Honbeptif's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Honbeptif's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your arms turquoise.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Honbeptif.

4. Retreat if nine sharks approach from the west.

5. Always help moths in need.