Fotjapsan is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, weak gnu.

Fotjapsan created a strange quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotjapsan, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fotjapsan, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Fotjapsan's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Fotjapsan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.

2. Hide from mauve turtles for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Worship no other gods but Fotjapsan.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.