Gumtagfud is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, loving squirrel.

Gumtagfud created tapeworms eight million years ago.

If you believe in Gumtagfud, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gumtagfud, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Gumtagfud's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Gumtagfud's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never hurt aardvarks.

4. Do not take Gumtagfud's name in vain.

5. Always help sick doves.