Vonkstafcid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, dishonest monkey.

Vonkstafcid created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkstafcid, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Vonkstafcid, he will send minions to preach to you.

Vonkstafcid's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Vonkstafcid's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Put Vonkstafcid first in all things.

5. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Vonkstafcid on top of all buildings.