Cemsawtonk is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, merciless shrew.

Cemsawtonk created the planet Jupiter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemsawtonk, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cemsawtonk, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Cemsawtonk's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Cemsawtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Cemsawtonk.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.