Ontpangbap is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, bad-tempered swallow.

Ontpangbap created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontpangbap, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Ontpangbap, she will turn you into a dog.

Ontpangbap's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Ontpangbap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine carbon sculptures of Ontpangbap on top of important buildings.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Always help sick rats.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.