Tarpfenveen is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, impressive penguin.

Tarpfenveen created the Sol system two million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpfenveen, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tarpfenveen, she will turn you into a frog.

Tarpfenveen's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Tarpfenveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Put Tarpfenveen first in all things.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Never think ill of sick gulls.