Hap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unjust otter.

Hap created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hap, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hap, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Hap's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Hap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from pink manatees for they are unholy.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Retreat if four mites approach from the north.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not take Hap's name in vain.