Xemlopfat is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, unselfish hummingbird.

Xemlopfat created light nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemlopfat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Xemlopfat, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Xemlopfat's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Xemlopfat's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never talk about doves.

3. Do not hurt badgers.

4. Never wear violet corsets.

5. Never hurt ants.