Lagcinmad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, temperamental squid.

Lagcinmad created dark matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagcinmad, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Lagcinmad, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Lagcinmad's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Lagcinmad's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Never go into orange rooms.