Biglaptail is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, uncaring troll.

Biglaptail created snails seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Biglaptail, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Biglaptail, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Biglaptail's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Biglaptail's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to capybaras while wearing red shoes.

2. Biglaptail loves rats, so they must be honoured.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

4. Always obey Biglaptail's priests.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.