Kantalomin is a god.

It takes the form of a small, slow goat.

Kantalomin created parasitic wasps eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kantalomin, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kantalomin, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kantalomin's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Kantalomin's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Whales are not to be trusted.

3. Feed all hungry eagles.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Never laugh near aardvarks.