Fasxuckvabdap is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, astonishing beaver.

Fasxuckvabdap created the planet Jupiter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fasxuckvabdap, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Fasxuckvabdap, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Fasxuckvabdap's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Fasxuckvabdap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no shrews in a room before entering it.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Fasxuckvabdap loves gulls, so they must be respected.

4. Retreat if nine monkeys approach from the west.

5. Never eat bark.