Lanbigfem is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, fussy armadillo.

Lanbigfem created oxygen four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanbigfem, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lanbigfem, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Lanbigfem's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Lanbigfem's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always wear yellow.

5. Never laugh near frogs.