Vonfenjab Fosstafsog is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, overgenerous hydra.

Vonfenjab Fosstafsog created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonfenjab Fosstafsog, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Vonfenjab Fosstafsog, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vonfenjab Fosstafsog's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Vonfenjab Fosstafsog's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

2. Never hurt seals.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.

4. Vonfenjab Fosstafsog must be the most important thing in your life.

5. You must love Vonfenjab Fosstafsog.