Zandutjan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unthinking dugong.

Zandutjan created an up quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Zandutjan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zandutjan, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Zandutjan's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Zandutjan's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat rice.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. You must pray to Zandutjan four times a day.

4. Never mention monkeys.

5. Never think ill of sick goats.